This past week, at the tail end of #PPDChat, @litanyofbritt tweeted a link to a post at her blog, “When There is No Light.” In this post, Brittainy first details her daughter’s birth story and her subsequent fall into the dark hole of Postpartum Depression.
Her post struck a chord with me because we both were separated from our children. She writes it beautifully:
I spent the next two days alone. A special kind of alone, where a mother is in one place, and her baby is hours away. Her dad went to Boston to sit by her side, and I stayed back, and wept until my face swelled like a balloon, and I mourned the loss of the experience I had not just hoped for, but expected. My mother came to sit with me for awhile, and brought me lunch, but I had no other visitors. It seems people don’t quite know how to visit a new mother, when there is no new baby. My first lingering moments of motherhood, the first few days of my daughter’s life, were the most heinous, and lonely days of mine.
I too, felt that horrible sense of isolation. No one knew what to do with me. My baby was alive. She was breathing. But she was not with me. I had barely known her out of the womb for 24 hours before she left me to go on her first road trip. This was NOT how things were supposed to work out. Give birth, nurse, go home. That was the plan. This detour through the NICU had not been planned!
Brittainy goes on to share her experience after giving birth to her son. It’s an amazing read. Please go read it.
I will warn you that some sections are graphic and may be triggering for some of you. Please refrain from reading it if you are in a fragile place.
Thank you, Brittainy, for sharing your story and lighting the path for other mamas out there who may find hope in your Postpartum Voice.