On the third day of Dismissmas,
Postpartum sent to me
Three perfect babies
Two depressed parents,
And a wailing mess in a pear tree.
How many of you have heard (or thought) this zinger: “But the baby’s perfectly healthy. Why on earth are you sad?”
As a mother of two children who were born perfectly healthy and one who was born with a cleft palate and needed major surgery at just 9 days old to help her breathe and eat, I know what it is like to be on both sides that statement.
Yes, having a child with additional needs is hard. But just because baby is perfectly healthy does not mean that Mama is going to be happy after giving birth. There are a whole host of reasons for mom not to be happy. Thyroid, Anemia, Vitamin D deficiency, history of personal or family psychiatric illness, perceived trauma during the childbirth experience, hormones that are now all out of whack and not shifting back into place properly, financial stress, moving, life decisions, etc.
Those who say things like “Baby’s healthy. You shouldn’t be sad” have never been depressed after the birth of a child. It happens. It’s real. And it is absolutely not yours OR the baby’s fault.
The next time someone says that to you – respond with this: “You’re healthy too. Why aren’t you helping me get healthy too?”
Then snap a picture. Trust me. It’ll be a Kodak moment for sure.