Here in Georgia, we don’t rely on Punxsutawney Phil or even General Beauregard for Spring’s estimated arrival.
No, we like to wait for something a bit more obvious.
The thick coating of yellow which descends upon the entire state, rendering us all members of the Yellow club.
This dusty yellow coating is insipid. It sneaks its way into corners, into lungs, nasal passages, renders several thousand if not millions of eyes unusable for several hours each day.
Sure, we try to battle it off with various medications, some of us even with surgery. But yet, there it is, waiting for us, every morning.
There are a few things I have learned about the Yellow Season my past few years in Georgia:
1) Resistance is futile.
2) Don’t wash your car until it’s gone or let the rain do it for you.
3) If you don’t want something covered in pollen, bring it inside.
4) Breathing may actually be more harmful than helpful.
5) Drugs are your friend. Especially antihistamines. Especially antihistamines you can take every four hours along WITH one you can take for a 24 hour period.
6) Invest heavily in Kleenex.
7) Also buy eye drops.
8) And nasal spray. Preferably a 24 hour spray. Anefrin, I think I love you.
9) The bigger the sunglasses, the better. Takes others longer to see the allergy tears.
10) Windshield wiper fluid is pointless. Just drive. It’s powder.
11) Seriously consider buying a yellow car – your car will be the only “clean” looking car for weeks.
12) Shave the dog because if you don’t, the pollen gets trapped under her fur and she will eat herself to soothe the itch.
13) Pray for rain. Just not too hard. Remember the floods?
14) No one writes “Wash Me” on any cars during the Yellow Season. Revenge is too swift.
15) Misery loves company.