Thankful for the hard


So many people today have tweeted for what they are thankful or grateful. Family. Friends. Good fortune. Memories. Good food. It’s Thanksgiving, a national day of giving thanks for the “good” in our life.

What about giving thanks for the hard? For the struggles? For the darkness? For that which forced us to open up and peer deep within ourselves, to stare down the edge of a fearful chasm and dive in headfirst despite the fear which welled up inside us? For the adversity through which we took a deep breath and admitted it was time to grow regardless of the excruciating pain awaiting our arrival?

This is me. Giving thanks for the hard.

For not knowing how to talk to my first daughter when she was 7 days old and apologizing to her for failing as a mother.

For not wanting to even see knives when she was just a month old because of the THOUGHTS which filled my head as if they were an angry swarm of bees.

For my first OB’s subsequent failure to successfully help me with my Postpartum Depression and OCD.

For being forced to “just get over it.”

For the antenatal depression into which my postpartum depression swelled as I expected our second child.

For our second daughter’s NICU struggle.

For my struggles with pumping and using formula with her, despite the very real physical need for it due to inability to nurse because of her severe cleft palate.

For my psychiatric hospitalization because I dove headfirst into “I can’t hold on anymore” chasm.

For the psychiatric nurses who told me I didn’t have to tell anyone where I had been that weekend.

For realizing all I wanted was another Mom to tell me everything was going to be okay.

For my pregnancy after my fall from grace.

For the help I finally received, even if it was a year after my hospitalization.

Because without all of that hard? I wouldn’t have survived:

My ex-husband’s battle with addiction

My third and final pregnancy

My divorce

Life.

I also wouldn’t be the person I am today – driven to help other mothers and family members. I wouldn’t know the #PPDChat community – the AMAZING, wonderful, strong, and BEAUTIFUL #PPDChat community. I can’t even begin to put into words just how much all of you mean to me. You are the most compassionate, caring, and mind-blowingly strong people I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. Thankful doesn’t even begin to cover it when I think of the #PPDChat world.

Through the hard, we learn. Adversity is truly the world’s greatest teacher.

I am grateful for all the adversity which has crossed my path. I know there is more to come. I’m not done yet. But I’m ready.

And for that?

I am beyond thankful.

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9 thoughts on “Thankful for the hard

  1. Lauren,

    Wow. I talk with you on Twitter and we kid and chat and talk about the funny things, but you’ve seen some struggles. I am amazed in my professional life and in my personal life that people, including you and me, are so resilient. We do what we have to do to survive, we get through the really hard stuff, we really enjoy the great stuff, and we live our lives the best way we can.
    Kudos to you for surviving, thriving and now for giving back in your chat and in the other ways that I’m quite sure none of us ever see. I am glad that you got the help that you needed and deserved and that you are moving forward.
    See you on Twitter.
    (Keep writing)

    Greg

  2. Wonderful post sweetie. The hard is so difficult – but shapes us into the beautiful people we are. Thanks for posting this :) I had similar thanks on Thanksgiving myself. Remembering the crap but looking at how much I’ve grown. I’m glad we can both step back & see that now. (hugs) Thanks for all you do. Truly.

    Loved yael’s response above too!

  3. It’s not easy to be thankful for the hard stuff. But you are right, traveling this road has brought me wonderful things.
    And for that, I’m truly thankful.

  4. Exactly! And as abeneficiary of your hard, as someone who finds comfort and solace and streangth at this website and at ppdchat regularly, I am so grateful that you are the kind of person who can make the best of adversity.
    What you started because of your own personal pain is reducing my pain, and reducing the total amount of pain in this world.
    I wish I could save you from some of the past pain, I long to shield you from futur pain, but more than anything, I trust youth make the best of your pain. You are a master at it, and I watch you with awe and love.

    • Yael – your comment left tears in my eyes…good ones though, I promise. The last paragraph and especially the last line really got to me. I so don’t feel like a master at it but thank you for seeing that in me. (hugs) love you right back.

  5. Yes. Just yes. This hits me in the bottom of my soul. I am so grateful for the journey I have walked (and continue to walk). Despite how hard it’s been, I am a better, more authentic person for it…all of it.
    Thank you, Lauren. Sending you love on this holiday.

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