Stream of consciousness writing is an interesting form of writing, isn’t it? You’d think it would be completely honest one given that you’re supposed to just vomit on paper for the most part, right? But honesty is in the eye and the heart of the author, not the reader. I get to decide which thoughts to share with you and where you go as you wander the maze in my head. Which means I get to keep certain parts behind heavy locked doors.
Privacy. It matters.
To all of us, really.
Even those who say they are completely open. You know there is a door somewhere deep inside which remains locked tightly. We all lock different doors for different people, don’t we? Open doors for people we care about and don’t mind being close to – close doors for people we don’t feel a tight connection with or think have the potential to harm us.
Which is why it hurts so much more when someone who has managed to get through all of your doors turns out to be someone who hurts you. And that, getting hurt by someone you have let in, hurts worst of all.
It’s a lot like what I imagine getting punched in the kidney by Mike Tyson would feel like. All the air exits your lungs as you swirl toward the ground, clutching your side. Stars pepper the back of your eyelids as drool flings itself through the air. Another punch lands on your jaw, causing blood to spatter on the ground around you as darkness swoops in to steal the sparkling stars.
Thing is, you will heal from the inside out. You’ll get better, you’ll get back up, and you will live your life. Even if you are currently hugging the ground, unconscious, barely breathing, and vomiting.
Falling down is never about the fall. Ever. It is always about the art and grace involved in getting back up. Art and grace? What about ferocity? Tenacity? Those too. But art and grace make it look good. Falling is also about discovering who will be there to pick you up.
Inhale. Put your hands on the ground, and push, dammit. Fight for every centimeter.
Get up on your knees, then get up on your feet even though your legs are shaking and your lungs are burning. YOU GOT THIS.
Dust yourself off, inhale, and put one foot in front of the other.
One foot. In front of the other. Ignore the sweat, tears, and blood streaming down your face.
GET.UP. Walk. Move.
Stare your opponent in the eye, and let them know they will not, under any circumstances, win. You got this.
If you don’t get up on the first try? Start over again. Hands on the floor, push up, on your knees. Then your feet. One foot in front of the other.
When life knocks you down, you learn to live again. If you’re lucky, you learn to love to live.
Make it count.