#HAWMC: Dear 16 year old self…


Dear 16 year old self:

I’m sitting down to write this letter to you with nearly 20 years of wisdom on you. Wisdom garnered from the life which awaits you. There are a few things I feel you should know:

Stop slamming the bedroom door. Your parents mean it when they say they’ll take it away. It’s going to break in less than 6 months. And a curtain? Doesn’t have the same dramatic effect.

You’re going to say bitch in front of your entire AP Government class your senior year. It’s okay though, because there’s always someone who says it every year. Don’t worry, you stumble through it beautifully. A heads up though might just give you the extra oomph to be even more sarcastic when it happens. PS. ON THE BEACH. Not ON THE BITCH. Just saying.

College will both rock and be one of the biggest challenges of your life. You’ll lose yourself a bit too much in alcohol and partying but you’ll make amazing friends after that phase. You’ll become grandparentless. This will hurt like hell and make you want to go back to the alcohol. Don’t. Let it pour out, allow yourself to feel it, allow it to consume you until you’re through. It’s okay to hurt this much.

Kids – there are three of them in your future. They’re hilarious, witty, beautiful, amazing, and so much more. Don’t ever forget this, especially when things get hard.

Things will get hard, especially after you have daughters. Incredibly hard. But you know what? there are moms out there JUST LIKE YOU. You’re not alone and you will eventually get better.

All of this hard and then some to which I am not speaking in a public forum will make you an amazing woman who knows how to laugh, appreciate the little things, and not take life so damn seriously all the time. The good things are brighter, the happiness is sharper, and the joy is exquisite. Life is all yours – and remember, how people choose to react to you is their gig, not yours.

So go. LIVE. Be happy. Be sad. Get angry. But above all, be free.

 

#HAWMC: A Mantra for New Moms


(you can see this poster online here as well)

#HAWMC: A frank discussion


The following is an actual brief discussion with a friend via email.

By far the most amazing discussion of the week.

And yes. I’m kvetching about the haikus at the onset of this discussion.

Me: “I hate formulaic poetry. It’s so restrictive.”

Him: “You cannot have meaning without structure, grasshopper.”

Me: “I disagree.”

Him: “Then you need to read your Wittgenstein.”

Me: “Why?”

Him: “So that you can get a full understanding of structure and it’s value.”

Me: “You’re a big believer in structure and rules, aren’t you?”

Him: “You can’t have language without them.”

Me: “Really? The best writers consistently disregard the rules.”

Him: “If you disregard the rules too much you are only writing for yourself…”

Me: “Perhaps at first, yes. But rules are meant to be disregarded, yes? If we always followed rules and logic, nothing would ever change.”

Him: “If you didn’t have rules to the game there would be no game.”

#HAWMC: Lost in the light


Today I took some time just for me. I drove an hour to a state park and meandered on the trails for over two hours. I ended up at a dam which is where I sat and ate lunch, listening to the rushing water, the birds, and enjoyed the gentle breeze flowing around me.

I watched a crow fly from one side of the lake shore to the other. Boats came and went on the water beneath the dam, some of them stopping to cast a line in the hopes of catching a fish.

As I sat there, soaking up the atmosphere, sunshine, and basking in the relaxing view, I realized that no matter how hard things get, no matter how dark they might seem, the sun always rises the next morning. So shall we.

I lost myself today. Not in the darkness, but in the light. I didn’t want to leave the grassy knoll above the dam. I could have stayed there all day. Losing yourself in the light instead of the darkness is an experience like no other. Your heart soars and tumbles like the strong hawk floating on a thermal high in the sky. You smile as you exhale, closing your eyes as you drink in the peace around you, remembering a time when you could have sat there and not seen or felt a thing.

It’s days like today which make me grateful for the dark. Because without it, days like today wouldn’t mean so much to me.

#HAWMC: haiku, haiku, haiku


mothers, babies, snuggle
in quiet cover of night
lone tear slides down

whirlwind swirling round
fall down stand up breathe in out
exhausted collapse

bright blue sky overhead
clouds drift across as I stare
remembering peace

tiny leaf bud clings
tightly to branch, mother hug
yearning to escape