Whatever Wednesday: My Mom’s New Rack


On Monday, my mother was practically bursting with excitement. The following is how the conversation proceeded. Sort of. Mostly. Mmmk, I’m getting older, my mind is slipping, and I have a twisted sense of humour. If you’re drinking something, put it down. No seriously. Put.IT.DOWN. And swallow that sip still in your mouth.

“Guess what I ordered?”

“A Capuchin monkey that’ll scratch your head while you play Angry Birds on your iPad?”

“No, silly! Something with much more oomph than a Capuchin monkey. Jeez.”

“What, then? J-Lo’s ass?”

“Lauren!”

“Well… you gotta admit, J-Lo’s ass has FAR more oomph than a Capuchin monkey. Although a Capuchin monkey would fit much better into a Fiat than J-Lo’s ass – I’ve digressed. What’d ya get?”

“It’s a curvy, sleek, stylish, auto-draining stainless steel dish rack. It sits up on four rubber nubs, and has curved stainless steel prongs, and the angle is such that it doesn’t collect water but instead keeps the water running straight into the sink!”

“So…what you’re saying here is that you got a busty new rack for your dishes?”

“Yes, and it’s simply fantastic. It’ll gleam in the soft light of the kitchen lights as the dishes drip dry rested atop silver rods.”

“Sounds like you’ll have some extremely happy dishes soon, Mom.”

“Oh, I will. I will.”

“I’m gonna leave you and your new rack all alone then, mmmmk? My Capuchin monkey is signalling to me that lunch is ready. And when the Capuchin says jump, by GOD, you jump. Because it just gets ugly when they fling poo.”

 

 

I just giggled


Look up.

No, not at your ceiling or the sky.

At the top of the page.

Under Sharing the Journey.

Where it says Life After Postpartum Depression.

You know what the acronym for that is?

LAPD.

Anyone else willing to find the humor in that or am I just getting that sleepy?

Two new Blogs worth a mozy or two or three or more


Check them out. I discovered these while web surfing –

Mommy Mantras

About the Mantras:

Mommy Mantras are phrases you can say in your head or out loud if you need to, during those trying moments of mothering. They act to empower you, revive you, and remind you that there is always another way to see your situation. Buddhist-inspired and psychologically grounded, these snippets of wisdom derive from entertaining and universal stories of unpredictable life with children.

About the Authors:

Mommy Mantra AuthorsDiane Dillon, Ph.D. is a psychologist, teacher and mother of two young children. She is the Director of the Child Study Team and a founding faculty member at The School at Columbia University, an innovative school serving a diverse population of faculty and community children in New York City. Previously, she was on the faculty at Columbia University’s Teachers College and served on the committee on special education in NYC. Diane attests to the effectiveness of the mantras as she invokes many of them on a daily basis.

Beth Casarjian, Ph.D. is the mother of three children under the age of seven. Beth is also the co-author of ‘Power Source: Taking Charge of Your Life,’ a book written for incarcerated and other highly at-risk youth. Currently, Beth is the clinical director of the National Emotional Literary Project for Youth-at-Risk and conducts clinical trainings and research in connection with the Power Source Program, an initiative of the Lionheart Foundation.

Miss Cellania

About Miss Cellania:

I am a single mom, and a currently unemployed radio announcer, living in Kentucky. I have way too much to do, but I love sharing things I think are funny, so this site is my hobby. I do this to avoid real work. Hope you enjoy what you find here!

Really Bad Mother’s Day Gifts


‘Tis the season of Motherhood celebrations. A long-time cynic of companies who cater advertising to whatever holiday is around the corner, I always find it amusing when companies that don’t really apply to the holiday promote specials despite this fact and believe me, I’ve heard some doozies this past week. I’m not mentioning company names – just the general special and well, the reason it’s a BAD idea. Funny, but BAD. (And they are in no specific order)

Oh, and if you’re curious, click here for some serious education on the history and differences in the celebration of Mother’s Day.

 

1) Laser Hair Removal Gift Certificate

Gee Mom, you’re amazing. Thanks for all the dinners, the chauffering, the help with the homework, the laundry. Now go get those bushes removed from under your arms!

2) Any kind of Pet

You do so well with all the responsibility you have now – here – plate’s NOT quite full enough yet! Guaranteed to randomly poop, pee, and need to be fed at the worst time possible. Sound familiar???

3) Beer of the Month Club

 Yeah, um, I think we ALL know who this is really for!

4) Anything Kitchen/house related

No new vaccuums here! DO not get her housewares unless she’s asked for them. Specifically. Even then, get a gift certificate and let her pick out whatever  exactly what she wants.

5) Maid Service Gift Certificate

Sounds like a good idea, yes? NO! NO NO NO!!!!!! She will immediately be thinking about everything she will have to clean BEFORE the maid service shows up!