Special #PPDChat Topic 5.24.13: “Spring Into You – Seizing the Power of Positive Self Talk”


ppdchat 05-24-12

Join me tomorrow as Josh Becker from i simply am chats with us about the power of self-talk and being authentic in using your voice in reference to yourself. Go here to read his fabulous guest post.

We’ll also be touching on this piece, “Selfish vs. Selfless: Conflicting Views of Motherhood and the Role of Self-Care—New Qualitative Data Emerges” from the fabulous Walker Karraa in reference to self-care for ourselves as mothers (and parents). It is beyond important as caregivers to the tiny humans (as Arizona on Grey’s calls them), to take care of ourselves. As I always say, self-care is not selfish, it is self-less as it allows us to fill our reservoirs so we are able to give more. If we are empty, we are unable to give to those around us.

Tomorrow’s chat is going to be a wonderful lift of spirit, energy, and will start your weekend off right!

So mark it on your calendar and pop in over on Twitter. We’ll be using the #ppdchat hashtag. See you at 3:00 p.m. EDT!

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Special #PPDChat Announcement & Guest Post: “How Are You Expressing Your Authentic Self?”


During my time on Twitter, I have had the privilege to “meet” some absolutely amazing people. One of these amazing people is Josh Becker of i simply am. Josh’s spirit and his outlook on life is breathtaking. We graduated from knowing each other on Twitter to being friends on Facebook. Josh is one of those people every single one of us should have in our lives, a soul filled with light, gratitude, and ready to lift you up even when you don’t know you need it. His words have a way of speaking truth about whatever I’m going through right when I need to read them. He’s grown so much over the past years and I am beyond grateful to see him do so. I’m even more thrilled to be sharing him with you this coming Friday afternoon at 3:00pm ET for a special #PPDChat. Josh and I will be discussing the importance of self-talk, about being your authentic self as you journey toward healing and life. I sincerely hope you will be able to join us because I guarantee this is a conversation you WON’T want to miss. Go follow him over @isimplyam and say hi!
Below is a guest post from Josh, an intro, if you will, to the discussion we’ll be having on Friday afternoon. Read, comment, and share. And mark your calendar for 3:00pm ET Friday to dive into a live conversation!

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This is one of my favorite quotes and for good reason. The way we think and speak about ourselves has the single greatest impact over the way we see ourselves and the world around us. Yet from a very young age we’re taught that what others think and feel about us is what really counts. As toddlers we were (very lovingly I might add) given praise from our caregivers for the things we performed well. On the flip side, when we didn’t perform as expected, we heard about that too. There was one question we never heard enough of…
“How do you think/feel you did?”
We were never given the permission to explore our own thoughts and feelings about life. We were usually told that something was good, bad, silly, stupid, smart, dumb, pretty, or ugly without any concern about what it meant to us. It didn’t take long from that impressionable age to know that to feel whole, loved, valuable, worthy, and important we had to go searching for it. Obviously these weren’t qualities we could identify and affirm in ourselves (so we believed). Our caregivers, and those closest to us, showed us these are qualities that you obtain after, and only after, you accomplish something. Even worse than having to “work” for your qualities, they would be judged first by them.
The problem with this model is that these qualities, and many others, are Inherent. That means that you were born with them. You didn’t have to do anything to get these qualities nor could you do anything to have them go away. They were there and have been there your entire life. As we’ve seen though, this isn’t exactly what we were taught from a young age. We wound up mirroring what we learned from our caregivers. If we heard we were dumb, ugly, fat, slow, weak, unimportant, unworthy, or not enough in any way then that is what we knew. Even worse than knowing this, we came to believe it as truth.
Our entire value system was taken from us and placed “out there”. That meant that we were drawn to those that affirmed us and turned off by those that didn’t. So much so that it was literally of no consequence how we valued ourselves. Esteeming ourselves came 100% from the outside world.
It’s one thing to have someone shame  you (any comment or action that makes you think you are “less than”) but we’ve been doing it to ourselves. I’ll give you some examples of ways you might be shaming yourself today and not even realize it…
“Let me get my fat ass off this chair.”
“Oh, I’m so stupid!”
“I’m not good enough to do that.”
“I’m ugly and no one will ever accept me as I am.”
“I’m not important.”
“I don’t matter.”
“I’m not vulnerable.”
“She’s better than me.”
The way we think and feel about ourselves has everything to do with how we treat ourselves (our bodies, our thoughts, our feelings, our minds, and our spirit) and everyone else. Yet, when is the last time you corrected yourself for saying any of the above? In fact, often times you’ll stand up for yourself if someone else calls you stupid but then turn around and joke about how dumb you are after making a mistake.
If our goal in life is to become the fullest expression of who we are then we must change our starting place. Your starting place can’t be, “I’m dumb but sometimes I do smart things” or “I’m so ugly but once in awhile I can clean up nicely” or “I’m worthless so I’m going to take what I can get.” Making this your starting place forces you to express that which you think you are. If you really and truly think you’re dumb, ugly, not good enough, slow, weak, and unimportant then these are the exact qualities you’ll wind up expressing to the world.
The difference between who we truly are and who we think we are is that the latter is what’s always expressed.
I hope by now you see that you are not truly what other people think about you. You’re not truly even what YOU think about you. You are your inherent qualities that you were born with and you’ll always be those things. The question isn’t “Who Am I?”. We already know who you are. The question is, “How can I fully express my Authentic Self?” This begins with your self-love and that is expressed through your self-talk. As the Upanishads so beautifully pointed out, it starts with your thoughts but manifests in your destiny.
You are Beautiful, Intelligent, Creative, Compassionate, Important, Precious, Strong, and Thoughtful. Guess what? There’s literally nothing you can do to change that! So stop trying, stop listening to others, and start reminding yourself what is true and express that truth. It’s in that expression that your dreams, your hopes, and your Authentic Life lives!
What “I am” statement can you affirm right now? Even if it hurts to type it, let me know in the comments what the Authentic You looks like!
With Gratitude and Appreciation,
Josh
Josh_800_600Josh Becker is an author, speaker and mentor dedicated to helping you take off those glasses of false belief in exchange for your glasses of inherent nature. Josh is bridging the gap between the needed healing of our past and the tools necessary to live authentically now and in the future. You can find him at www.isimply.am, on Twitter, and on Facebook.

Whatever Wednesday: Things I’m Afraid To Tell You


In 2011, I dove out of my life, headlong into a brand new one. I still have no idea where that life is going but I can tell you that it’s been a hell of a journey.

There were days when I wasn’t quite sure who I was. Days when I fell apart and didn’t want to get out of bed. Days when I reached the bottom, wanted to delve even further, and never come back up for air. There were days when I didn’t want to breathe. Days when I sat, for what seems like forever, in front of my netbook, begging my brain to cooperate so I can write something for this blog. Yet nothing comes so I write for other websites about non-postpartum issues.

After all of this, I finally know who I am. I like who I am.

Here’s the thing I’m afraid to tell you and afraid to tell myself but I’m going to say it anyway – I have no idea how to merge who I used to be with who I am now. I’m at a crossroads, foot firmly on the brake, unable to move forward in any direction.

Frozen.

Do I need to merge the woman I used to be with the woman I am now? Is it necessary for me to move forward? Has the merge already happened as I have grown over the past year? How do I continue to do what I do here as a single woman and no longer an active full time parent? Am I still qualified to provide advice and support? Are my experiences negated now that I have stepped out of the very life which caused them?

These are the thoughts which race through my head. The thoughts which give me reason to stop and wonder about the very future of my blog….about my future. When I was a stay-at-home mom, I fought for my identity as me. Now,  I fight as me for my identity as a mother.

I have no doubt that the future which awaits me is filled with joy, happiness, love, and peace. A future in which I will no longer be lost to myself or to those closest to me. It is faith which has carried me this far and faith which will carry me until my days in this world are done. This is all I know, all I need to know. Learning to fully trust faith, to fully trust the plan laid out for my life, however, is the challenge I face now.

I am learning to lean hard on God with every day. In His time, I will understand and find my answers. Until then…I will wait, with joy in my heart, clinging to hope and fighting the ever closer creeping fear with fierce prayers emanating from my very soul.

This post written as part of a movement, Things I Am Afraid to Tell You. I realize it’s supposed to be more of a list, but this is how mine came out and I am okay with that.

You can find more brave bloggers sharing what they’re afraid to tell you here.

Once upon a time


Once upon a time I was just a girl with a dream. A little girl who shoved stuffed animals under her Mickey Mouse shirt as she toddled across the living room. Then I’d pretend to have my baby, love it, and eventually abandon it in a corner for a different toy.

Then I grew up.

Had a real baby.

Learned really quickly there’s no abandoning a real baby in the corner. Even when I wanted to because every new scream or shriek caused debilitating anxiety or a new flood of intrusive thoughts.

No, real babies, unlike the stuffed animal variety, demand and require attention. They need to eat, they need to have their diapers changed, they require love and interaction. It’s hard stuff for a mom without a Postpartum Mood & Anxiety Disorder. Even harder for a mom struggling to keep the mental illness wolves at bay. By the time baby is ready to finally settle down for the night (even if it’s 2am in the morning), our brains are so fried from all the self-talk we’ve done throughout the day just to convince ourselves “Yes, I CAN make it for just 60 more seconds,” all we can do is sit there and stare at the wall. Like Zombies. Sure, moms without PPD are Zombiefied every once in awhile too. Motherhood is HARD.

I look back at the depths of my hell and wonder what I could have done differently. I examine it, searching for the one thing I did wrong – the one thing I should have done differently. What if I had asked for help here or what if I had educated myself as intensely before my first two pregnancies? Built in more social support? What if…

Here’s the kicker… even if I identify the ONE thing I could change? Would it matter? Who would I be today? Would I still be the Mama Bear I am today for families with Postpartum Mood & Anxiety Disorders? If I changed just one thing to clear my PMAD experience, would I be doing more damage than good?

Hindsight sucks when we look upon it with a longing to change things. Hindsight can be a beautiful thing if, instead of looking upon our past with a longing to change it, we look upon it with a desire to understand why we are where we are and how we’re going to get to our next place in life. Our past is full of building blocks regardless of how dark and negative. When we learn how to slide them all into place like a Rubik’s Cube, we solve the puzzle of our life and empower ourselves to move forward with an unparallelled strength.

Don’t look back in regret. Look back with a desire to understand and then launch yourself into your future. You’ll be amazed at how far you can go.