#PPDChat Topic 03.24.14: Say This, Not That


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Language. It’s how we communicate with one another. It’s what I’m using right now to convey a message. We have so many -isms and quotes about how to use language in polite company, don’t we?

“If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.”

“Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”

“Think before you speak.”

“Keep the communication lines open.”

“The pen is mightier than the sword.”

But those contradict each other, don’t they?

Yes, and no.

If you think before you speak, you won’t say anything horrible, therefore you won’t hurt anyone, but then the communication lines may be closed unless you only allow the positive out, right? And heaven forbid you grab a sword instead of a pen. A pen – writing – allows us to THINK before we “speak” – to work out what it is we want to say and to edit our thoughts carefully before sharing them with others.

My father drove home the point of thinking before I speak. My mother, on the other hand, emphasized keeping the communication lines open.

Do you have ANY idea how difficult that is to bring to a happy middle? DO YOU?

Sometimes I can’t help but laugh at my inability to speak up or comment on something because I know exactly what I want to say but can hear my father’s voice in my head telling me to “think before I speak” immediately followed by my mother’s voice telling me to “keep the communication lines open.” So sometimes I speak, other times, I remain silent. When I do speak, I do try to be succinct, compassionate, and non-accusatory. Does it always work out? Hell no, I’m human for crying out loud and to err is to be human or something along those lines.

But here’s the thing.

Language does matter. Tone matters. Perception matters.

That’s what we’ll be addressing tonight. Language. Tone. Perception. Not just our own, but that of those around us. Every single one of us has our own baggage. What someone says about you or how they choose to react TO you is not necessarily about you, or even about them. It might be something they’ve been dragging with them for years and it merely slips out at the wrong time. Or at the right time.

Language makes or breaks stigma. So do actions. This morning, I read this wonderful post over at Brain Pickings: The Unaddressed Business of Filling Our Souls: Mood Science and the Evolutionary Origins of Depression. It is a brilliant post in that she examines a book entitled “The Depths” by Jonathan Rottenberg (which is now on my MUST READ list). One of the points she mentions that Rottenberg makes is that emotion/mood are terribly languagecentric.

Think about it – we assign positives and negative stigmas to words which describe moods. Are we supposed to find “joy” when someone is depressed? No, of course not, but what if instead of reacting with pity, we instead dove in and asked if we could do anything to help? Or we saw it as Rottenberg sees non-severe depression (ie, paralyzing depression), just as part of the ebb and flow of the cycle of life?

How we describe ourselves and how we allow others to describe us affects our self-view and therefore affects our moods. It matters how much weight we ascribe to the words swirling around us in the dark.

Tonight’s chat will examine words commonly used to describe depression and those who are depressed or living with mental health battles raging inside them. It is up to us, the survivors and the warriors, to change the language we use to describe ourselves and our battles. Until we do so, the language used by others will not change.

I hope you’ll join in on Twitter tonight at 830pm ET to discuss this with me as we create a list of things for those who loves us to say…and not to say as we fight for ourselves.

 

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#PPDChat Topic: Postpartum Therapy Q & A (And a Giveaway!) with @DrCHibbert


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Tonight’s chat will cover a topic many of us have questions about – therapy.

Postpartum Mood & Anxiety disorders are complex to say the least. There is so much to consider when you’re facing diagnosis. One of the chief concerns is most definitely where to find help, how to tell if it’s good help, how to reach out for help, and how to talk with your family about finding good help.

I hope you’ll join me and Dr. Christina Hibbert, author of This is How We Grow and founder of the AZ Postpartum Wellness Coalition, as we discuss therapy and answer any questions you may have about it. Be sure to follow her on Twitter: @DrCHibbert.¬†

Also! We will be giving away a copy of Dr. Hibbert’s book to a lucky chat participant so you’ll want to be sure to join in! (No registration required and no money or product changed hands for this giveaway/chat.)

See you tonight on Twitter at 830pm ET, 530pm PT.

#PPDChat Topic 03.10.2014: Media Sensationalism & PPD


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Join me tonight as we explore the issue of media sensationalism and PPD. So often, as I stated in my post “On Not Wanting To”, when a mom hurts herself or her children, we get the sensationalized version of it and the details of her journey to that point (and her journey after the event) are dramatized as well. I hope you’ll join me for a passionate and insightful chat into why this needs to change as well as why we owe it to ourselves and to society to reach out to every new mother dyad with care, compassion, and understanding.

We cannot let the village continue to fail.

#PPDChat Topic: 2.24.14: Sharing Your Story With Family


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Remember last night’s post? Today’s chat will deal with the same topic. We’ll be discussing tips, resources, and sharing how this decision affected our recovery. Look forward to seeing you there at 830pm ET!

#PPDChat Topic 02.17.14: A Fourth Trimester Curveball: On Bonding With Baby

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#PPDChat Topic 02.17.14: A Fourth Trimester Curveball: On Bonding With Baby

#PPDChat Topic 02.10.14: Love In The Time of Perinatal Mood Disorders


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When you are struck with a Perinatal Mood & Anxiety Disorder, as with any illness, you focus on healing yourself. It’s perfectly okay to do this but it is also important to remember that this experience extends to those you love as well. If you are in a positive environment, the people around you should be diving in to provide the safe cocoon you need to heal. Even in the most supportive environments, however, chaos still may thrive and after the initial crisis mode fades away and the sun appears on the horizon, a storm may be brewing just behind you.

It is beyond imperative for all of us, not just the one struggling against the beast, to focus on the form the relationship between our most intimate partner takes during the Perinatal episode. If we let it slide too much, the relationship may be irreparable.

Tonight’s chat will focus on how to deal with several types of relationships, a brief discussion of signs of dangerous types of relationships (and how to get help) as well as little things you can do to keep the romance alive in your marriage/partnership as you also navigate the waters of your Perinatal Mood & Anxiety Disorder.

There won’t be a worksheet go go along with tonight’s chat but there will be a resource sheet as well as some coupons/certificates you can share with someone you love who may be depressed (or, if you’re the one who’s depressed, share with someone you love as something that they can do for you to help you out). I sincerely hope you won’t miss tonight’s chat. It’s gonna be invaluable.

See y’all on Twitter at 830pm ET!

#PPDChat Topic 02.03.14: The Five Senses Challenge


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Life is lived through the senses, isn’t it? Memories are not just thoughts put on shelves in our brains, they are remembered best through sights, sounds, tastes, touch, and scents, right?

I remember my grandmother’s perfume. I could not, for the life of you tell you the name of it (I want to say Charlie, but I think I am horribly wrong) but whenever I briefly smell something similar, I think of her. Well, that and bouillabaisse but perfume is far more common.

The scent of ink takes me back to my childhood spent in the family print shop. That’s a cascade of memories – the sound of the presses whirring, the cutter chopping stacks of paper, the cement in the alley outside, the giant cardboard boxes and pallets of paper we would hide behind. Or the darkroom filled with massive amounts of chemicals I’m sure weren’t safe for me to be around but bring a dizzying memory of darkness glowing in the bath of a red light to the forefront of my mind.

Ocean waves crashing make me smell the salt spray drifting through the air, I hear the seagulls overhead, and the warm sun slowly baking me into a loaf of human bread. If I focus just enough, I hear the chatter of other people playing at the beach over the humdrum of the ocean waves.

The wafting scent of a cigar reminds me of my grandfather. He always had one chomped in his mouth as he puttered around outside, it seemed. Mix that with the scent of wet leaves in the fall and the memory of my grandfather is complete. Weird, yes, but that’s him.

Don’t even get me started on the deliciousness that is Entenmann’s or an Eggplant Parmesan sub because YUM. Oh, and delicious saltwater Taffy. OH the memories as it would melt in my mouth and stick to my teeth. Gah, I miss being a kid.

Right now, there is snow falling outside, floating and dancing as it drifts to the ground where it has collected en masse to add up to a minimum of 7 inches for now. It is a good healthy wet snow which means we get to make a snowman at some point. But for now, it is quite peaceful to just sit here and watch it silently and gracefully cover the entire landscape as if it were a bride preparing for her groom. Everything is draped in white, laden with heavy snow.

This week’s #PPDChat will focus on the senses and how living life mindfully helps you navigate your view away from the negative toward the positive. There is beauty in everything, it just takes a few extra minutes to tune in to the heart of it all. Once you do, you will find, however, that you can’t possibly miss the beauty in even the smallest of things.

I hope you will join me at 830pm ET tonight for this fabulous chat. Stay tuned for the worksheet to go along with tonight’s chat – I think you’re gonna love it!